Avoid alliterations always.
God loves you. But I'm His favorite.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows.
If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it.
I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
The control key on the keyboard does not work.
The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
God loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.
Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).
If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?
Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.
Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.
If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.
Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.
Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.
Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
I plan to live forever. So far, so good!
Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around.
On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
On your mark, get set, go away!
Honk if the twins fall out.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list