Friday, May 23, 2008

onlysimchas.com

i stopped posting on onlysimchas awhile ago. i don't even check it out anymore. to begin with, i was never a big fan of surfing that sight anyway. i didn't see the point in checking out random strangers' wedding pictures, aliyah pictures, (just a million pictures in the airport) or birth pictures (the poor wife always looks horrible, but she has no energy to yell at her husband for taking pictures of her)

there has not been a single engagement that I've found out from onlysimchas. with the exception of an old friend who i have not kept up with and not even bothered to wish mazal tov because she would not remember me anyway (i have one of those crazy memories that i can remember faces and names from years ago)

as for posting, again, i see no point in it. by the time the kallah has checked out her page, I've already been to the vort and wished her mazal tov in person. some kallahs don't even know they're on, because they've been put on by their chosson's friends.

there are two different kind of posts

1. the hysterical best friend. this one is complete with long ramblings that mean nothing to anyone else who reads them, besides the kallah who either reads it very late, or doesn't remember half of what the post is referring to, in her ditzy-kallah state:

"MAZAL TOV Chaya!!!! OMG I CANNNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE ENGAGED!!!! AAAAHHHH!! I know i already posted like seven times but i had urge to post again i didnt say enough....dont thnk just bec ure gettin married were still having fun LEDUGMAAAAAAAA our trips to (insert name of frequented restaurant) lol get ready ill start coming to your new house hmmmmmmmmmmmm i wonder where can you guess?????!!!(insert crazy story that happened once, usually highlighiting the kallah's inability to drive) hahahahaha never forget lol.....(random memories, which make absolutely no sense, and are totally not punctuated correctly) MAZAL TOV CHOSSON & KALLAH!!!!Love (some obscure nickname, and if not for the name at the top of the post, the kallah would have no clue who posted it)"

2. the gushy type. whether it's the best friend, or someone who hasn't spoken to the kallah since second grade, this poster feels the need to let everyone know exactly how long they've known the kallah, and they feel it their duty to assure the chosson he's getting a 'prize':

"mazal tov! SORI!! it's crazy, it feels like just yesterday we were in nursery together, blowing our noses on the teacher's skirt and eating sand (here, they insert every embarrassing act the kallah ever did in her early years)and now you're getting MARRIED!!! avi I'm sure you know by now, but you're getting the best! she's an amazing girl! i hope you guys only have ALL the bracha in the world, build a BEAUTIFUL home, and have GORGEOUS kids with TONS of nachas! you look ADORABLE together!! thanks for being the BEST friend EVER!!"

3. short and to the point:

"mazal tov rivky" (if you're going to the vort, you'll say those exact words, and if you've go the kind of relationship where you'll never utter the words to her, is she really going to read your post, remember who you are, and think "oh wow it's so nice to hear from her!"?)

and i always wondered:

since the posts are usually all capitalized, does that mean the poster would be shouting if she said this all in person?
why can't anyone take the time to spellcheck?
do they realize they're making a fool of themselves for all the Jewish world to see?

8 comments:

another frum college girl said...

this post definitely had me laughing

anyway, you neglected to mention the hysterical best friend usually makes sure to use a nickname of their friend, usually just a shortned version with a bunch of zzz's attached such as

DINZZZZZZ!!!!
or
CHANZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

and check this out:
http://bangitout.com/onlysimchasgenerator.html

Mikeinmidwood said...

Awsome post and you also forgot about those people that thank everyone.(MAZAL TOV GINDY,LEAH CHANNIE, YOU ARE GREAT SISTERS TO HER AND BARUCH, YAKKOV, FOR BEING BROTHERS. TO THE PARENTS AND INLAWS AND ANYONE ELSE I HAVE FORGOTTEN MAZAL TOV!)

another frum college girl said...

haha like they won an academy award or something

frumcollegegirl said...

and i forgot to add:

the part i dislike the most is when the chosson posts and tells his beautiful kallah how much he adores her and can't wait to spend the rest of his life with her.

i've actually seen that one more than once

frumpunk said...

Dead on!

The Babysitter said...

frumcolleggirl: that was really funny, made me laugh, but its true that's what people's posts look like. I actually never went to the onlysimchas page, then recently because I started blogging and adding feeds I decided to add the onlysimchas top 50 engagements feed, and I just scroll them to see if there's anyone I know there, and I've found people who I didn't know before were engaged, but yet I don't know them so well, so it's just like a piece of information. Like someone who I took a few classes with in college, or a family friend or other such people that I wouldn't go to their vort but yet they know me, so I would just say "Mazel Tov".

anotherfrumcollegegirl: that link was really funny.

MikeinMidwood: That's funny there are those too, usually I see those in the yated or whichever newspaper/magezine has those simchas listings.

Frumcollegegirl: I've never seen that before, that's horrible, that makes me think it's all for show, cause if it was real he wouldn't have to say it on a wesbite where everyone can see, he would tell her privately. But then again it could be someone else could be posting as the chosson as a joke.

mordche said...

why can u not keep ur apeinyan to ur your self????

frumcollegegirl said...

ummm....if you don't want to hear my opinion, don't read my blog!