onlysimchas.com

i stopped posting on onlysimchas awhile ago. i don't even check it out anymore. to begin with, i was never a big fan of surfing that sight anyway. i didn't see the point in checking out random strangers' wedding pictures, aliyah pictures, (just a million pictures in the airport) or birth pictures (the poor wife always looks horrible, but she has no energy to yell at her husband for taking pictures of her)

there has not been a single engagement that I've found out from onlysimchas. with the exception of an old friend who i have not kept up with and not even bothered to wish mazal tov because she would not remember me anyway (i have one of those crazy memories that i can remember faces and names from years ago)

as for posting, again, i see no point in it. by the time the kallah has checked out her page, I've already been to the vort and wished her mazal tov in person. some kallahs don't even know they're on, because they've been put on by their chosson's friends.

there are two different kind of posts

1. the hysterical best friend. this one is complete with long ramblings that mean nothing to anyone else who reads them, besides the kallah who either reads it very late, or doesn't remember half of what the post is referring to, in her ditzy-kallah state:

"MAZAL TOV Chaya!!!! OMG I CANNNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE ENGAGED!!!! AAAAHHHH!! I know i already posted like seven times but i had urge to post again i didnt say enough....dont thnk just bec ure gettin married were still having fun LEDUGMAAAAAAAA our trips to (insert name of frequented restaurant) lol get ready ill start coming to your new house hmmmmmmmmmmmm i wonder where can you guess?????!!!(insert crazy story that happened once, usually highlighiting the kallah's inability to drive) hahahahaha never forget lol.....(random memories, which make absolutely no sense, and are totally not punctuated correctly) MAZAL TOV CHOSSON & KALLAH!!!!Love (some obscure nickname, and if not for the name at the top of the post, the kallah would have no clue who posted it)"

2. the gushy type. whether it's the best friend, or someone who hasn't spoken to the kallah since second grade, this poster feels the need to let everyone know exactly how long they've known the kallah, and they feel it their duty to assure the chosson he's getting a 'prize':

"mazal tov! SORI!! it's crazy, it feels like just yesterday we were in nursery together, blowing our noses on the teacher's skirt and eating sand (here, they insert every embarrassing act the kallah ever did in her early years)and now you're getting MARRIED!!! avi I'm sure you know by now, but you're getting the best! she's an amazing girl! i hope you guys only have ALL the bracha in the world, build a BEAUTIFUL home, and have GORGEOUS kids with TONS of nachas! you look ADORABLE together!! thanks for being the BEST friend EVER!!"

3. short and to the point:

"mazal tov rivky" (if you're going to the vort, you'll say those exact words, and if you've go the kind of relationship where you'll never utter the words to her, is she really going to read your post, remember who you are, and think "oh wow it's so nice to hear from her!"?)

and i always wondered:

since the posts are usually all capitalized, does that mean the poster would be shouting if she said this all in person?
why can't anyone take the time to spellcheck?
do they realize they're making a fool of themselves for all the Jewish world to see?