Thursday, October 2, 2008

all my friends say married life is wonderful. in fact one of my friends invited me to try it. i don't think she meant she would share her married life with me, but when i asked her how she's doing, she brightly responded "oh married life is great! you should try it some time!" that actually made me wonder if people actually think about what they're saying. i guess not.

but for all they've extolled the virtues of tying a knot, not one of them has mentioned the aspect of marriage which by far scares me the most:

you lose your individuality.

whether it happens intentionally, or other people do it to you, you and your beloved become lumped together as one identity. joint facebook accounts, email addresses, wedding invitations, you become aviandsara. or malkyandyossi. that's it. one thing.

indeed, i was at a friend, and her husband was talking about the time they went for blood tests, " when we had our blood test..." yea right. nobody poked you or took your blood out, buddy.

and married women can't answer any question without first consulting their better half. in fact, they say it before replying to any kind of question. i call my friend to chat:

me: hey, what do you think of the weather outside?
her: i don't know, I'll have to ask my husband

i like being just . i come unattached.


Stam said...

good post.

i think there's a big adjustment period for any newlywed couple - whether they choose to speak about it or not.

-"we're expecting" totally irks me, even if the entire world uses that phrase

-another thing that really annoyed/s me was when friends would get engaged, and instead of saying "Shmuli..." it would be "my chusson..." (then later "my husband...") but perhaps that's for a whole separate post...

Child Ish Behavior said...

That's the spirit. With that attitude you're well on your way to spinsterhood.

tembow said...

stam, i think ur right. there is a hugggggggggggge adjustment when someone first gets married. that's why when friends get married, you've got to give them some time before everything's back to normal.

not that i'm such an expert- im single too

rickismom said...

Actually, this losing your identity is not so true, at least in the long term.
While it is true that some people will lump you together, there is plenty of room for individuality. Especially since so many things in our society are segregated sexually , many people will know you as YOU, and not Mrs. XYZ.
It just so happens that my husband and I are on totally different levels of Yiddishkeit for the last few years, and people in the community relate to me as I am, not as they do to my husband.

The Babysitter said...

that's so funny you said the 2 names together like that. Cause for me it has always been like that, I grew up hearing that all the time, being a twin.

But I think the connectedness is what makes it nice. But they can still have separate e-mail accounts, bank accounts and stuff.

When couples say we when they refer to the spouse, it's supposed to sound sweet and endearing that they see each other as one, that my pain is your pain. There was a famous Rabbi story like that, that said "our foot hurts" when he brought his wife to the doctor.

tembow said...

how can you manage being on "totally different levels of Yiddishkeit"????

frumcollegegirl said...

stam: thanks. i had a teacher that told us it's not appropriate to use the boy's first name on a date. perhaps there are girls who haven't ever called him by his frist name, so it still feels weird to say it. dunno

babysitter: no way, you're a twin? that's so cool!

The Babysitter said...

FrumCollegeGirl: that is so funny you mention that about the first names on a date, because someone had just told me that today, that their sister learned in school that on a first date your not supposed to use your date's first name.

I realized that I never use first names in general, when I'm talking to someone already then there is no real need to say their name, it's only in order to get their attention that you use the name.

I can see how it's a way of endearment to use a first name, it lead to familiarity to, so it makes sense of why they say not to use it on a date.

and yea I'm a twin, and it was just really cool that you wrote those 2 names.

Anonymous said...

Are they your and your twin's name?

The Babysitter said...

Anonymous: yea they are. (That shouldn't be too identifiable, I hope)

tembow said...

that's so funny cuz it was probably totally by accident that fcg wrote that!

The Babysitter said...

tembow: yea it was by accident, which is what made it funny.

frumcollegegirl said...

yea, it was just two random names. i didn't want to pick any names of my friend's and their husbands, so i just used random but typical jewish names.

Anonymous said...

fcg when did you go to sem? (if you did)