Wednesday, April 2, 2008

"...well i had FIVE wisdom teeth removed!"

why do humans always need to be the one with the bigger story?

it's the classic case of "...my fish was THIS big!" whenever someone is telling a story, there is always someone else who needs to have one up over them. when you got two free tickets to a concert, your friend got three. when your son got a 97 on his gemara test, your neighbors son got a 99. when you got a two week paid vacation bonus, your co-worker got three weeks.

and what about when someone is experiencing a tragedy "my wife is sitting shiva for her mother" "oh that's really sad...i remember when my mother-in-law passed away..." people are so eager to talk about themselves. "oh you're having a bad day? don't worry it will get better, i remember last week when i felt like nothing was going right..."

people don't do it personally. it's human nature. you've got to be aware of this in order to catch yourself. but I've noticed that people who are willing to listen more and talk (especially about themselves) less, are people that you want to hang around with, because you feel like you're actually talking to a person whose willing to listen. you're having a conversation, a dialogue. not two monologues.

6 comments:

The Babysitter said...

That's really true. I notice that a lot. I try not to be like that, but it can be hard sometimes, especially if something the other person is saying reminds me of something and then I might forget what I was going to say.

But yea, sometimes hearing what other people say to people who are sitting shiva can be so sad its funny.

another frum college girl said...

i agree, but on the other hand after listening to a person unburden themself, it can help to bring up a similar story that happened to you. it can make the person feel like you really can empathize with them. (but like you said, dont just to it to one-up them)

another frum college girl said...

funny title by the way :)

frumcollegegirl said...

when you're "unburdening yourself" to someone else, do you want them to sympathize with you, or talk about themselves?

and if you listen to Brian Regan you'll get the full effect of the title

another frum college girl said...

i love brian regan!! (i just didnt remember that particular line)

i guess it just depends on how long and in depth the conversation is. i tend to be on the phone for hours listening to my friends issues sometimes, and in that case i inevitably give my two cents also. i guess im just thinking of a particular situation.

frumskeptic said...

Awesome post. Is so true.
I do it all the time and I catch myself, and I'm sure there are times I do not catch myself.