10 Things To Do When You Go to a Vort and the Only Person You Know is the Kallah.
1. go over the veins and arteries of the body in your head.
2. make a list of all the things you want to accomplish in the coming week.
3. go through your phonebook and make sure everyone's name is properly capitalized.
4. check out the contrast between your colored clothing and everyone else's black clothing.
5. try to pick out the chatan from amidst the men.
6. check out all the exits and have an emergency escape plan ready.
7. attempt to make polite conversation with the kallah's sisters and sisters-in-law, and try not to be mortified that your reputation preceded you because your friend came home from seminary and told everyone about all the stunts you pulled in israel.
8. text all your friends who didn't come and tell them they're missing out on a great party.
9. fleck imaginary dust off of your skirt
10. leave

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