there's something creepy about my dentist.

my family switched from the dentist I've been going to all my life, and I've been meaning to make an appointment for ages. i finally got around to setting an appointment up, and i went to the office...to find out that i didn't have an appointment. in fact, the no-personality girl behind the desk told me that i wasn't even in the computer. i went back home, and received a notification an hour later, that my appointment was this morning.

when my mom first went this new dentist, she told us that he's real big on flossing. and I'm not. i brush my teeth like three times a day, but i was never a flosser. i always thought flossing was for when you can't get to the food that's stuck-but i don't want to gross anyone with details. so i started flossing, but i have gross waxed unflavored floss in my bathroom, which tastes gross and totally makes my gums bleed. (yea i know, it means i don't brush enough. or i have gingivitis. or heart disease. or highly vascular gums.)

so i sat down in the chair, and hoped against hope that i wouldn't fall asleep in the chair (which wasn't really too comfortable anyway)

then the no-personality-girl behind-the-counter, who is also the no-personality-hygienist asked me if i wanted a paraffin wrap. i was totally weirded out that you can get a paraffin wrap in a dentist's office. those kind of treatments belong in spas. but it was kind of cool. she stuck my hands in hot wax, wrapped them in plastic bags, and put them in what looked like terry oven mitts.

after making me don the stupidest looking plastic goggles (I'm not really sure what they were for, maybe to protect me in case a flying piece of tooth hits me in the eye) she began to poke me with six different sharp-looking instruments, one of which, she said was a power wash for my teeth, but just hurt like heck and made an annoying noise that got into my brain and made me attempt to clench my paraffin-and-plastic-wrapped hands.

after twenty five minutes of sheer torture, she informed me that i have gingivitis, and untreated, can lead to some lethal gum disease. and she handed me a plastic jagged object and told me that it's a tongue scraper, and i should use it to clear bacteria off my tongue. before i had time to process all that, the dentist came in and they had a chat in all dentist jargon, so i had no clue what they were talking about. he looked at me and said, in a voice you would use with a five year old.

"someone hasn't been flossing! raise your hand if it's you"

i looked at the two of them, and they blinked right back at me. so i sheepishly raised my hand. he then proceeded to tell me that i really need to step up on my flossing.

"...and you've got teeth that are developing cavities. so make another three fifty-minute appointments" he said to the nurse. "we're going to have to numb you for the treatments" he added to me.

"t-t-treatments?" i stuttered "for what?" he looked at me over the top of his wacky plastic goggles

"you've got eight cavities. but don't worry. I'm going to use tooth colored bonding. no one will know" he gave a conspiratorial eyebrow-wag "it'll be our little secret!"

i thought he must be joking. I've never had a cavity in my life. and my previous dentist told me i have great teeth.

"are you sure?"

"oh yes, you've got those cavities. and i want to give you a referral for an oral surgeon. you need to have your wisdom teeth pulled. don't' be frightened by the word surgeon. well-you will be sore for a day or two, but you should be able to eat normally by the fourth or fifth day"

WHAM!

i expected the ceiling to fall on me after all of that. i dunno. either my first dentist was a horrific dentist, or this guy is a charlatan. between the weird wrap and glasses, the diagnoses of eight cavities and gingivitis, and the fact that sister 1 who went today, was told that she has six cavities, my dad who went last week was told he has four, and sister 2 and brother 2 both have five cavities each, I'd say he's one big scammer. one thing is for sure.

I'm not going back there again.